You think you know, but you have NO idea....
"You don't talk about longevity, you just do it because longevity is a matter of fate; it's a matter of eventuality. We are a culture that is now so aware of how things work because we've had a certain experience now with bands, with culture, with pop music, with pop culture, that we all want to talk about longevity and what causes it. There's only one thing that makes longevity and that's longevity. I'm amazed at how often people say, 'You're here to stay. You're gonna be here in ten years.' How do you know? You don't. Ten years will tell you..."
For those of you who dont know, I lived in Virginia for a little less than a year. My parents wanted to try something new and while on vacation, we stopped in Virginia and they fell in love with it. We lived in suburbia Richmond in by far one of the nicest neighborhoods ever. However, because we were in a new place I never really got to go off and take adventures on my own. Whenever I went outside my dad would be right there or he made sure he could see me through our kitchen window. Being the rugrat that I was, I was actually about 9, I hated living there because I was constantly under extreme supervision which meant I couldn't get into any trouble lol. But anyway, thats the beginning.
When we moved there, we used to travel all the time. I still bring up that fact and my mom swears that we didn't travel that much. Ha! She obviously doesn't remember. If you go back and check out my transcript, you will see that I missed a ton of school on top of all the snow days we had. Figures the year we move there, the state is hit with it's worst snow storms in years. I failed to mention, the reason my parents moved there was because they wanted to get away from all the snow. My dad claims the snow wasn't that bad but being from where we are, it was nothing like the lake effect we were used to. So back to the constant traveling. I swear just about every or every other weekend, we used to head down to DC and Myrtle Beach. As it finally warmed up, we used to head to Virginia Beach constantly. This was by far my favorite beach. Oh how I loved Virginia Beach!!! There was one time I remember the most though. We ended up staying at this Holiday Inn and it was so nice. This hotel was layed out! You would swear you were checking into the Hilton. Anyway, my dad always made sure we ended up with a beach front view. I would say, here is where and when my love for the beach started. It was the most perfect night. I went out onto the balcony and the temperature was just right and I could smell the ocean. It was that nice fresh scent, not the nasty fishy smell but I digress. The waves were crashing on the shore but not in that there's about to be a hurricane way. It was nice and calm. It was pretty late so there weren't too many people down on the actual beach area.
At the point, I remember looking up and the sky was pitch black but it was lit with the stars and the moon. The stars had that perfect twinkle that you only see every once in awhile. The moon had that perfect crescent shape and it was so bright. I swear it was like something right out of a movie. Clearly breathtaking. I remember standing out there for the longest time and I didn't want to be anywhere else. To be honest, I think I would have stayed out there all night but my mom wasn't too fond of that idea. It was one of those times when my bedtime was pushed back to 10:30 and I thought I was the coolest kid in the world! That was my favorite night for years to come.
I've been waiting forever to re-live that moment. Every summer, I like to go out on those nice nights and sit in my backyard and escape this crazy world. I used to love going out and sitting on the swing in front of my grandmothers' hoping no one would come bother me. For the most part, I always got my wish. There's just something about looking up into that sky and seeing those stars and moon that's hard to explain. Whenever I went away for our Girl Scout encampments, which I never really wanted to do because I always ended up with spiders in my bunk and I hate spiders, I loved doing the same thing. Of course then it wasn't so peaceful because you have the constant sound of screen doors slamming every minute followed by teenage girls arguing but if you could learn to tune them out, you'd be okay. PS-on my last encampment ever, I ended up having about 5 huge disgusting spiders in my bunk area and my best friend Jenn was gracious enough to share her bunk with me after repeated failed attempts to kill this huge gross looking one. I to this day, I thank God that she did because I honestly wanted to call my dad and have him pick me up. I was at my breaking point. Because of these experiences, I have decided I'm not a camper and will never be. One year we went to Hershey Park and we actually camped in tents. Big deal right? Someone left the tent open and once again we were plagued by these gross spiders. By the way, I have possibly the best camp story so If you ever want to hear about it, just ask me. It's hillarious! Soooo off topic right now so let me sum it all up...
I love looking at the stars and moon with the sound of the ocean or lake crashing in the background. There's nothing more peaceful. The time that you spend in that environment helps you escape from reality and you find time to enjoy the little things in life. You're alone with your thoughts and dreams. Every now and then its good to have someone along right there with you though. You'd be surprised about the topics that may arise and you could end up closer to that person as a result. I cant wait to get back to that beach. So here's my challenge to you. Sometime this spring or summer, which doesnt begin until June 21 by the way, take a night to yourself or with a friend, find a quiet place, if possible, on a clear night and just lay back and look up at the sky. Turn off the cellphones and get lost in your thoughts and emotions. And if you have the chance, definitely try this by a body of water. It makes the experience that much better.
In the end, I'm sure it will be one of the most amazing things you'll ever experience...
I'm in love. Wow. It's been awhile since I've actually been able to say that and actually mean it. It's crazy. The emotions that have been going through me the last couple of days is inexplainable. For so long I've been afraid to let my feelings out when it comes to this subject on a deeper level.
Tears have been collecting in my eyes throughout the day and for once, I haven't been afraid to let them stream down onto my face. It's insane how just one person can have this affect on you. The sound of his voice is so beautiful, as is his soul. Guy's like this don't come around to often so it's completely understandable how I let myself get so involved so quickly. When the words "I believe in you and me" slowly rolled off his tongue and passed his lips, I was caught. Believe stuck out to me most. Many things have been said by many males but for some reason, this really hit me hard...in a good way. Normally, I would just blow it off but like I said, hearing words from such a beautiful soul has an amazing effect. It's more than just a relationship. It's like, the things that you face in life, good or bad, has a reason. Those words gave me a sense of belief in myself. I've always tried to build others up completely putting myself on the back burner. I'm ready for me now.
This weekend, I wasn't myself at all. I was someone better. For once I decided to take a chance on love. True love. Maybe the days leading up to by far the most amazing day of my life thus far, happened just to prepare me for what was to come.
When I talk to him, I'm at peace. The stress and anger that has filled me recently just leaves my body and I become relaxed. When I hug him, I don't want to let go and by his actions, I don't think he wants to either. For those 10 seconds or less, our souls become one. We are each other. We don't have to say anything because we know what the other is thinking. I've waited patiently to find someone like this. Patience is virtue. The look in his eyes tell me everything will be alright. Serenity. That's the best way to describe this feeling. His touch is so soft and gentle. I know I'm safe. I'm looking forward to the future...
I can assure you it's not who you think it is. I'm sure this doesn't make sense to most of you but it's not suppose to. These are the words that are reflecting my state of mind, body and soul...
I've never understood why women are so competitve with each other. Honestly. I've been guilty of it and I'm sure every woman has at one point in her life. I just don't understand, but I really do, why women feel the need to outshine each other.
Here's a case. My roommate. By the way, I love how last year I bitched about how loud and rude my roommates were and this year I love how I talk about how lazy she is. Anyway....my roommate always feels the need to outshine. Here are some examples:
Me: "I would love to go to NYU!" Her: "I could have definitely gotten into NYU if I applied."
Me: "I got my advanced Regents diploma." Her: "Well hell, I passed all those test too and I didn't get that. That must be some shit Williamson made up." Yeah, like you can make up a diploma 
Me: "I would have loved to applied to be an OA but I have to take physics." Her: "Oh I know I can get that job because I have a GREAT personality!" Um, too bad Phyilis was begging me to be an OA and I could have skipped the entire process 
Me: "I would never model in Black Explosion." Her: "I should model because I have GREAT legs!"
Me: "I've always wanted to be on Road Rules/The Real World. I think I have the whole package." Her: "Um no. You would disgrace the black community. Me on the other hand, they would definitely pick me." She also thinks that she could audition for American Idol and make it through to Hollywood.
See what I'm saying. In none of the situations was I trying to compete with anyone but she always felt the need to outshine me. I invited her to Spring Break at the beginning of the year. She said she wouldn't be able to go because she was going to the Carribean with her dad. Now she's talking with her best friend trying to find somewhere to go. HELLO!!! The only thing she had to pay for was a plane ticket and spending money because my parents were supplying her with everything else. In case you haven't figured it out, her picture belongs next to vain in the dictionary because she is constantly in the mirror talking about how good she looks and how dudes are always trying to get with her. No offense but the dudes sweating her aren't all that. Her last dude only liked her because she did just about anything for him. Fuck that. You better get your ass off the couch and go get your own damn chinese food. Let me just say this though. For someone who always tries to outshine me, she has picked up a lot of my ways. My hair products, my chewing gum, my fat free milk which was huge because she was so dead set on 2% Milk only, my medicines, and my political campaigns (ONE and (RED)). So I guess I can't be that much of a disgrace to the black community because someone is definitely turning into me 
....or at least trying too.
I'm sorry but when you constantly try to outshine someone there is a huge problem. Here it is: You are extremely insecure with yourself. Don't try to put that off as "I'm not cocky, I'm just confident." Bitch please. The most beautiful women in the world don't go around telling magazines how beautiful they are so why do you feel the need to? That's called cocky and insecure and you need to chill out. When you realize that your friendships with other women are disappearing at a high rate, take a hint! No one wants to be around someone who is always talking about themselves or trying to find something that they can outshine you in.
Ladies, who have a friend like this, knock her ass down a few levels even if you have to mention it numerous times. Don't joke about it either. Be honest and be real. That's the only way she'll take the hint.
So many women say, that if women ruled the world there would be no wars. HA! What were they thinking...
...a little late but its better than not at allWell I for one have never been an advocate for this manuactured holiday, Valentine's Day. No I'm not bitter so hear me out.
This is a holiday for couples and the occasional opportunity to give something to your family member which is totally fine. But why do you need a holiday to express your love to someone? Are you just showing love on one day? No, didn't think so. Well why choose to celebrate this cheesey holiday then? That's not where it ends though. This is for all those last minute shoppers out there. Honestly, if my guy came home with a box of candy and roses I would appreciate it but I wouldn't get overly excited. COME ON! How much effort does it take to get a candy and flowers?!? Anyone can pick those up. If you're gonna celebrate the holiday get something meaningful. Like maybe a favorite childhood candy of gift or something that represents a favorite memory. Chances are you'll get a better reaction because it shows that you know whats going on and listen and notice the little things in your relationship.
Every year, my best friend and I do that concept. This year he made me an amazing movie. It was about 7 minutes but it enough to make the point. For him, I made a movie of me saying some italian phrases that I knew he would get a kick out of. The fact that I was speaking Italian at all, I knew would be good enough. BTW, Bryan is about 90% Italian, or Sicilian and he's very big into his families history so I knew this would be a great gift. And he' TA'ing abroad in Florence. I'm proud of my boy lol 
.
I'm not saying don't celebrate Valentine's Day, I'm just saying put a little thought into it if you are. The outcome will be so much sweeter!
As for my next blog, the douche-bag formally known as Tim Hardaway.
Okay so technically I was in Central Philadelphia this year for the ASAP D2 Conference hosted by Philadelphia University. Um Amazing time!!!! Besides our hotel was right behind the graveyard where Benjamin Franklin is buried! Kinda creepy but it's also kinda cool. I didn't have a penny to throw on his grave for good luck though which really sucked and there was no way in hell I was throwing my credit card.
Besides some drama, which always occurs with a group of girls, the weekend was great. Met some cool kids from PA and of course some very cool Canadians! Okay, who doesn't love Canadians because they freaking rock?!? Did I mention that I potentially would love to move to Montreal someday? Not sure though because that's just way tooo much snow lol.
We did the tour which was basically a big square. Saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. Walked down Chesnut Street which was basically America's first Wallstreet. Then we got to see the Besty Ross' house which was right by the Real World house! Yeah, kinda sad when the youth of America is more excited to see a house featured on a TV show then a historical house lol.
I thought Boston was by far my favorite city but I'm thinking Philly is giving Bean Town a run for its money. I seriously love that city and I'm thinking about attending Grad School there if I can find a good one. Hopefully I can go back and catch it when it's warm though.
Can someone say "road trip?"
I knew I declared that I've given up on Celebrity gossip and what not but this is truly disturbing. Okay so I'm sure you've all heard of Anna Nicole Smith's death by now, just five months after her son's death and the birth of her baby girl. Situations like these depress the hell out me. I'm not gonna lie...I was never like "OMG I LOVE HER" but when they showed her first interview after her son died and you could barely understand what was coming out her mouth because she was overcome with grief I honestly felt for her. I mean, I don't know know what its like to lose a child and I don't think that's something you could ever imagine but I to God-honest truth just felt so bad her and any other mother or father who have gone through the same thing. And unfortunately the press never gave her time to grieve properly.
I'm sorry but when is enough enough? I mean couldn't they tell how difficult that time was for her? Obviously common courtesy doesn't exist anymore. With all that she was going through I honestly thought that she would go through a break down at some point. How could she not? And now this baby girl who barely knew mother will never get the chance to know her and that just saddens me deeply.
I just hope if anything like this ever happens again the media will step off and chill out for awhile because there is no doubt in my mind that they put a tremendous amount of stress on that woman's life. Like I said before, it hurts me to know that people go through what she went through and I can only offer my prayers to them. I don't think there's anything anyone can really say but I'm hopeful that everyone's thoughts and prayers help people get through times like this.
Today was the first day of classes. It was pretty fun and everything. I have a lot of classes with a lot of my friends which is kind of a change. I don't know if thats a good thing though. I cut back on work hours. I'm down to 14. I was at 18-19 but that was just way too many.
Well tonight I decided to go out and take pictures of all the ice covered trees. I swear I wasn't even outside for 5 minutes when a couple of University Police Officers drove up to me. I'm not going to lie...I was pretty scared. I didn't think I would get yelled out for taking pictures but you never know. They just wanted to know if I heard any gunshots because someone called and said they did and that they saw the flash from my camera. But I told them I just got outside and was taking pictures and what not. They said it was cool, told me to have fun and stay warm, and walked over to Red Jacket. They also commented on how cool some of my pics looked which I thought was pretty cool. Needless to say I ended up with a bit of frostbite but it was totally worth. Photography is becoming one of my favorite activities.
Well I'm off to bed but below are a few of the pictures I took. Enjoy! Goodnight loves...
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